Madison and I were washing dishes yesterday when she decided to take a die cast figurine of Magneto, Master of Magnetism, (yes—one of mine), swimming while we worked. As she plunked and dunked poor little Magneto, (whose mastery over magnetism proved utterly useless amidst suds, ceramic plates and plastic cups), with gleeful delight, she exclaimed…
Madison: Look, Daddy! Superman is taking a bath!
Me: No, honey—Superman is DC Comics. That’s Magneto; he’s Marvel Comics. Can you say Magneto?
Madison: I dunno (plunk, plunk).
Me: Here, let’s sound it out. Mag…
Madison: Mag…
Me: ne….to…Magneto.
Madison: Mahneto!
Me: Good enough, kiddo.
Madison: Daddy, I like Magneto!
Me: Really? Why’s that?
Madison: I dunno. (proceeds to vigorously dunk poor Magneto). Because he likes water!
Me: You like Magneto because he likes water? Isn’t the Sub-Mariner the big water guy in Marvel?
Madison: (frowns) Huh?
Me: Never mind. Waitaminute. You don’t like Magneto better than the Hulk, do you?
Madison: Uh-Huh (dunks some more).
Me: (Uh, oh). Why?
Madison: Because Magneto’s nicer.
Me: How’s he nicer?
Madison: I dunno. Because he likes water?
Me: Wait—Magneto is nicer because he likes water?
Madison: Yup! (Proceeds to drown poor little die cast Magneto).
Hulk took this moment to object:
Hulk no like baths. Make Hulk look like wrinkled grape. Hulk like sponge baths; with nice squishy loofah.
What about Magneto?
Hulk hate Magneto. Magneto stupid dumb-head. Magneto go shoot beer cans with Hulk in woods, but no talk to Hulk at parties. Puny Magneto.
Unfortunately, Magneto happened to overhear all this.
You brainless mass of primitive brawn! How dare you insult the great Master of Magnetism? Of course the little girl likes me better! I’m die cast, shinier, and I can bend metal to my will! You will pay for your arrogance, and bow before my horrible might! This, I command!
Hey, wait a minute. You stole that last part from Serpentor, that guy Dr. Mindbender made to replace Cobra Commander back in the ‘80’s.
Uh….no I didn’t. I, uh…overheard it at a...comic Convention … somewhere….
Hold on….you are Serpentor, aren’t you?
Er….oops, look at the time. I’m Meeting Professor X for lunch. later! (Jumps on flying serpent throne and speeds off)
No disrespect to Madi, but I’m gonna have to go with the Hulk on this one. You just can’t trust mutant masters of magnetism.
Stupid Magneto. Stupid Serpentor. Hulk smash both, then take nice loofah bath.
Indeed, Hulk. Indeed.